27 march 2005
I'm lying here,
Knife by my side,
Weighing the consequences.

Logically,
I shouldn't.

If I do,
I might,
No,
I am
Ruining my future.

But why am I wasting this paper? I know I will. I probably can stop doing this, But I won't. I love the way it feels.I was proud of my strength when I first did it, but now, I think I'm addicted to that secret pride. It hurts yes. I said once that I "heard" you become numbed to the pain, I said that. But it still hurts. I think you just learn to hide the pain. I'm good at that. Not nearly good enough. I need practice. What kind of a future do I have anyway?

04 March 2005
Religion. What is its use? To destroy peace? In History that is all it has done! For one good thing Religion does it does ten more bad things. Religion is useless. Why do I still search then? I am an idiot. To still have hope in religion makes me that. I am sure I infuriate those that try and bring me to the "light' of christianity. Christianity has only brought me suffering. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so wary of it. In a way I miss the innocence I had in christianity. With knowledge comes suffering. I have knowledge now I am distrustful. I constantly lie. I hate having to lie. it disgusts me. I am disgusting. I wish I wasn't. My past has made me this way. In wish I could erase my past. I miss being so naive. So innocent. I miss life.

Wilted Rose,
Your thorns still sharp,
Pierced my heart,
Eternally hurt. (w)

-Erikalya
01/03/05
Inspired by a friend of mine's msn name which had a wilted rose in it. I had nothing to say and attempting to start a conversation on poetry, or the arts I wrote that.