27 march 2005
I'm lying here,
Knife by my side,
Weighing the consequences.

Logically,
I shouldn't.

If I do,
I might,
No,
I am
Ruining my future.

But why am I wasting this paper? I know I will. I probably can stop doing this, But I won't. I love the way it feels.I was proud of my strength when I first did it, but now, I think I'm addicted to that secret pride. It hurts yes. I said once that I "heard" you become numbed to the pain, I said that. But it still hurts. I think you just learn to hide the pain. I'm good at that. Not nearly good enough. I need practice. What kind of a future do I have anyway?