Get your fucking shit together.
Go Party Hard, enjoy life, Put it all behind... but I can't... Maybe I should? And that's the thought that has me in tears.

Not happy most of the time now... maybe it's a sign to end it all?

malkavian character, who was already somewhat mad before her death, who was a comic-book artist, with a style somewhat resemblant to Jhonen Vasquez. That'd be the basic idea, if there are any problems with it, let me know!
--
Corliss would be the name of the character, she has hypomania (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomanic). During her living days she grew up an only child, half ignored by her parents who's corporate careeers were a bit higher a priority. Her problems were addressed simply, with psychiatrists and pills. Throughout childhood she drew, wrote, painted, and developped a unique art style and early on she tried to have her demented ideas of comic-art published, eventually she succeeded at age 18. By her mid twenties she had published a modestly succesful series (I'm thinking it should be called Death Bunny..) and had begun a promising new series. And then At 26 she was turned.


I don't know if you want something post-undeadification, so I leave that blank

So neglectful, though not abusive childhood causes, a precursor to hypomania, depression, treatment of which brings her closer to becoming hypomanic. A will to be noticed by her parents initially, causing a drive for success. Giving up on family, pursuing her own morbid interests creating her own goals, succeeding at them. Turning instilling a permanence of the hypomania.
The Madness being as the great wiki says "persistent and pervasive elevated (euphoric) or irritable mood, as well as thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. Individuals in a hypomanic state have a decreased need for sleep, are extremely outgoing and competitive, and have a great deal of energy. However, unlike with full mania, those with hypomanic systems are fully functioning, and are often actually more productive than usual. "
And
"

The DSM-IV-TR defines a hypomanic episode as including, over the course of at least four days, elevated mood plus three of the following symptoms OR irritable mood plus four of the following symptoms:

* pressured speech;
* inflated self-esteem or grandiosity;
* decreased need for sleep;
* flight of ideas or the subjective experience that thoughts are racing;
* easy distractibility and attention-deficit (superficially[citation needed] similar to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder);
* increase in psychomotor agitation; and
* involvement in pleasurable activities that may have a high potential for negative psycho-social or physical consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, reckless driving, or foolish business investments).[3]"


Her sire.... He was malkavian, as things go, you can never know for sure why something is done by them.. the facts are that he read Corliss' work, maybe seeing something of himself within it, plain curiosity or just a whim, he decided that stalking her might be fun. Being somewhat off-kilter even when alive, instead of calling the police and getting a restraining order when she started noticing him she approached him and struck up conversation. He, finding her curious, more interesting than the average meat bag, ended up offering her the choice... after having fed on her. Maybe beneath it all, it was the blood loss, maybe it was fear of the end, but the reasoning she gave herself when she accepted, was that she would stand by her life's philosophy, to take what the universe gave her and run with it, that and sounded more fun than growing old, boring, and wrinkly.
So she accepted vampirisme as just the next part of her adventure through the universe. It took some adjustment but it was more exciting than anything else. She continued creating her books, but becoming known to the human world as a recluse. Staying in Ottawa where she had lived for most of her life. Her goal... To be entertained. To enjoy, and explore this new world that has been opened up to her. Perhaps in time some more fixed, decided goals will form... but for now, she'll stick to what her un-life has given her.. and go with the flow.



2. Nature=Deviant, Demeaner=Thrillseeker

3. Malkavian, Hypomania=Derangement

4. Her primary traits are; Physical -dexterous, graceful, quick, wiry, agile, tenacious, vigorous.
Her secondary traits are; Mental-clever, intuitive, shrewd, wily, creative.
Her tertiary traits are; Social-expressive alluring, witty.

5. Auspex -1 dot
Dementation -2 dots
Obfuscate - 2 dots
-Six free points were used in this section for two additional dots.

6.
6. Academics -1 dot
Athletics -1 dot
Etiquette -1 dot
Finance -1 dot
Hobby/Profession -2 dots (Comic book art and writing)
Occult -1 dot
Politics -1 dot
Streetwise -1 dot
Subterfuge -1 dot
*Awareness -1 dot
*Stealth -1 dot
*Empathy -1 dot
*Investigation -1 dot
-Three free points were used for three extra dots here.

7.Fame -1 dots
Generation -1 dot
Resources -2 dot
*Madness Network -1 dot
-11 Blood Points

Conscience -3 dots
Self-control -3 dots
Courage -4 dots

Willpower -4
Morality -6

9. Impatient, Shortsighted
(two points)

10. Flaws: Bad sight (1 point - I simply wear glasses, am Myopic)
Merits: Danger Sense (2 points, leaving 1 unused point from step 9 and 10)

11. Underworld -1 dot
High Society -2 dots

If I misunderstood this step and was supposed to select 3 areas the third option would be bureaucracy.

12. Camarilla -2 dots
Kindred -2 dots

...So I'm cleaning my room. Well. Organizing. Cleaning is throwing shit into my closet, under my bed and couch basically clearing a space on my floor to allow all that shit to rturn to the floor.
Anyway. It's been forever since this is done. I put things off
(guess what I'm doing right now)
Just found some random scribbling... I think from the elemental era. maybe even ipsos, bored at work times.. I wonder what I was referring to when I said (imigine the accents will ya?)
"Que devrais-je faire a ce prepos? Indecisions. J'avais deja decide, mais je pense repenser cet decision. chepo. Je sais que regretterais d'avoir fait ca. So no. At least I will take no actions myself and I'll just see what happens."

...How many times have I thought similar?
Last time I followed this course (yesterday/day before yesterday) it went well ^.^ No regret to be had at all.

So I dreamt of a zombie apocalypse.
It was one of those ones where you start dreaming it, you have no control over it. Then you start waking up and you have some control over it..

It started... I don't know how or where... Actually I can't recall much of the beginning... I.E. where the zombies came from. but there was a crazy epidemic, apparently when people died doing crazy rituals or something with wormwood would help prevent people from becoming zombies.. There where two different kinds of zombies.. I forget what they were called one kind was obviously zombie the other wasn't, except in winter.. where they grew beards...

Towards the beginning we had taken refuge in a school. I remember this one scene where someone went outside and the face was somewhat familiar, she was wearing something crazy bright... And I screamed from the window, but I don't think she came back. I think I went outside after that. I don't know why. I know I fought at some point maybe it was here. I know there was like despair at all that was lost, but not quite fear? I could fight. I had my bokken with me.. maybe probably some other weapons. Whatever, so I went into the school after that.. When I went back in somehow the desks were put back the way they used to be, when the room was a classroom. We were leaving for some reason.

{Maybe it was here where I somehow would occasionally speak with old hebrew? Whatever those people meant by that. I was outside in a fairly non-zombie protected area, with a group of people, I don't think I knew any of them. I just remember the hebrew thing. And that I had my bokken. I went to get it at my house at one point. Probably the beginning. I think the school did a dream transformation, I think it was my house at the beginning but when I went outside and came back in, though I knew it was still the same building it wasn't my house but a school.}

And then I was alone, though I think I'm forgetting a section here, underground somewhere, maybe like a subway station. There was the occasional zombie that came by.. but I don't think any of them attacked me, there was more like fascination.. Though I knew I had been going on for hours I was soon at some sort of intersection like thing... more there were two paths. Only humans could go this one way, but zombies could go the other way, I initially went up the zombie path, I don't know why, maybe because it was more inconspicuous and I figured the zombies would go after the humans? I really can recall the reason...

I turned back though, and went the human way. I don't know where I was geographically, but there was electricity, a slight sense of security. It's like it was a common destination to flee the zombies, there were people there. this one group of people had just gotten there and I asked them what was the dealio at this place. they pointed to a bus. There was something about death or being arrested. Apparently there was still a ruling government. We were either going to get killed by zombies or arrested for some stupid thing by the government. Basically the government was doing shit all about the zombies. Or maybe we were trying to escape a containment zone, but that thought didn't occur to me in the dream, the vibe was "holy fuck there's still a government? heh, they're even more useless than before".

So we went to the bus, they were screening everyone before they got in, making sure we weren't zombie. there was like a folding door that we went through after, we had to slip through it, because it was hardly open for security sake. It was really hard to get through? and they closed it on my leg... then there were stairs that led to a basement area. Despite it being a bus, it had a basement. There were comfy chairs, mostly full, I was still with that group of people, and for some reason a lot of shit had crazy asian influence firefly style but it was normal. Anyway, we found a few free chairs, and the person on the end of the row of chairs moved their bag or something to indicate I could sit beside them, then I recognized them, they were one of them people from ipsos, a slightly disliked person from days I think. It was odd we started talking and there was crazy emotional pain or whatever that made me want to hug her, because y'know link to the good past. We talked about how the whole thing happened so quickly, something really awesome like a trip had happened right before. I'd asked where she was when it happened, she had been in HR, we both worked that same time, though in RL we never do.. Then some movie came on... and there was that feeling of hope and or pain, emotional attachment to some lady I don't really know or like.

Oh and I think the movie started with Bloom's face.. And some how later on there was me drinking, then I glimpsed and I was drinking mountain dew.. which was very not me. I wanted to say that that should be a beer not mountain dew of all drinks, but I didn't 'cause of that lady. I think the me in the movie was drinking at work.. It was the connection that we had that prevented me from expressing my thoughts.

So I say, zombie apocalypse hero I was?
I went here;
http://dreammoods.com/
Zombie
To dream that you are a zombie, denotes that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are out of touch. Alternatively, it may indicate that you are feeling dead inside and are simply going through the motions of daily living.

Apocalypse
To dream of the apocalypse, signifies an emotional and dramatic change taken place within. The dream may also indicate the end of one kind of lifestyle and the beginning of another.

Hero
To dream that you are a hero, signifies your inner strength and weaknesses. You are bravely facing and challenging the secrets of your unconscious.

Movie
To dream that you are watching a movie, suggests that you are watching life pass you by. Perhaps you are living vicariously through the actions of others. Consider also how the movie parallels to situations in your waking life. Observe how the characters relate to you and how they may represent an aspect of yourself.

To dream that you are playing a role in the movie, foretells that something from your unconscious is about to emerge or be revealed. It may also represent memories of images or scenes from your past. Alternatively, the dream may be pointing you toward a new role that you might be undertaking. Your unconscious is psychologically preparing you for this new role.

To dream that the movie screen is blank, suggests that you are feeling excluded in some situation. You are feeling lonely and sad.

Movie Theater (Not quite but it was a room full of strangers watching a movie)
To dream that you are in a movie theater, indicates that you are attempting to protect yourself from your emotions and/or actions. Viewing them on a movie screen projects them onto another person and thus makes those feelings/actions distant . You may be protecting yourself from experiencing them.

So accurate for today. I'm fighting the zombie-ness. Now is a time of change.

Random fuck.
So I moved in with my boyfriend. I'm starting tow onder if it's a mistake. I fucking suck. He used to say shit about how he pretty much prefers spending time wqith me to anything. And maybe I believe him. Maybe he believed himself. But fuck it seems like now he can stand being around me at all fuck. I need to kill something. or cut. nah. whatever. I suck. I'm gullible, at this point I wonder if he does actually love me. Is the saex all he wants? fuck I hate this. Instability insecurity, lack of knowledge. I'm fucking scared because there's no way I can go back to my parents. I need to fix this. but God. I know I can't live without him. I care too much. He says I haven't done anything. But fuck that. if he can't bear to be around me I'm obviously doing something. I need to fix it. Give him space but yeah. how? we live together. I should disapear this weekend. randomly bus around ottawa. end up fuck knows where. let him have his space. I f that does nothing I don't know what the fuck to do. Hell I don't know what to do now. But I'll try. But God. I want him back now fuck. he was so aazing before . I miss him god fuck. Ill go sleep and let him hate me god. go die or sopme such fuck. I refuse to go over spellinfg. bear wsitrh it. no one reads this.

:3
Murgle.
Gaah.. I haven't written anything of interest here in... a long time.. Herm.
I guess nothing of great importance has happened until now.
^^
Hem. kais. So. Today is the 4th of January. Yesterday was the 3rd, the day before, the 2nd. Wondrous.

So. On the 2nd After 2 years of msn-ing and failed meeting up I finally met up with this guy, Ilya. We went to Timmies. And ate too much. But talked and that was fun. Y'know the whole fear that you know someone online but they're completelly different in real life? Yeah. It seems to be an unfounded fear in this case. Then we found out that there is nothing to do around Algonquin College, which is where we met, as it was a halfway point between the two ends of the city we live in. mhmm.

So then we decided to go to a movie theater, the Coliseum, a movie theater. We got there at 8, the next movie was at nine. We decided to wait, play around with the arcade they had there. (Hah! I have somewhat celebrated winter-een-mas!) I played Air Hockey for the first time. It was fun, I sucked, but not way too much. I actually got a few goals.. Then the DDR Machine was free. For the third time, I played. I shouldn't have, because DDR doesn't like me. Or more I have a terrible sense of rhythm (.. and I pretend to be a musician..) And he played and was good; he has good rhythm, and makes good techno. Ahem. Nearly died because he put it at a hard and fast setting, but we survived. And nine o'clock came.

We had a choice between the new James Bond movie and another spy movie; "The Good Sheppard". We should have seen Bond. But we went for the other way too long spy movie. Seriously it was 3 hours total, and could easily have ended anywhere in the last hour. A movie like LotR can go three hours. But Nyah! It was kinda badly cast too.. Historical fiction about this head CIA dude. It put too much emphasis on the historical part, and not enough on the holding the plot together, it ran on, and seemed badly crafted. Or something.

Yeah. It ended a bit past midnight. I was supposed to be home before midnight. The local buses don't run past midnight. So that got me into a bit of trouble. Still. It was incredibly fun. And ^^ yesh.

So that was the Second of January. The Third he worked, but we talked that night and yesh. ^^ It's happiness. We're "dating" now. I guess? Bah. Terminology. But yeah. Happiness! No idea how this will work out, I want to it to very much though. He's an incredibly nice guy, funny talented, the kind of person you can easily be comfortable around. And I respect him, which for me is incredibly important. If one cannot respect a person, how can one like, much less love said person? I don't care if they don't respect me. Well I do care, but for me it's more important that I can respect them, I try to be honest with myself.

Yeah. So. That's it I guess. Well. Sorta. I'll write my fears in the matter; I haven't dated in two years, and even then, the times I have ( A grand bloody total of three) lasted only a shortwhile. As in I never dated for over three weeks. Yeah. I don't want that to happen this time. I seriously want it to last. I really like this guy, he's great, and even more I wouldn't want anything to happen to our friendship. So I don't want to screw this up. And he's in university, I'm stll stuck in grade twelve, I don't want him to think I'm all immature. Gah. Don't I sound thirteen. Bah. This guy is incredible, Quebec maybe me terribly insecure about anything and everything I do I guess. I really don't want to screw this up.

Ok. I think that's all. Gah. I sound like a soap opera.