If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

-Leo C. Rosten

A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.
-George S. Patton

No matter what a man's past may have been, his future is spotless.

-John R. Rice

Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire.

-Anonymous

Committee- a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

-Fred Allen

"Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?"

–Douglas Adams

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.

-George Savile, Marquis of Halifax

Nunquam commoda homini lupinotuum pectinem crinalem. - Never lend a werewolf your hairbrush.

-Anonymous

The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

-Mark Twain

TEACHER: Explain Newton's First Law of Motion in your own words.

CALVIN: Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz.

-Bill Watterson

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have.

-T.H. White

He who has a strong enough why to live for, can bear almost any how.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

-Paul Tournier

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

-Mark Twain

Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum. -- Screw you and the horse you rode in on.

-Anonymous

A man learns to skate by staggering about making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself.

-George Bernard Shaw

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.

-Evelyn Waugh

You can't make a person love you...you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

-Anonymous

If I had all the money I've spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink.

-Stanshall Vivian

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.

-Napoleon Bonaparte

Maturity is knowing that just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean he's a horse's ass.

-Harry S Truman

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately 1.5 billion Chinese couldn't care less.

-Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom

People are morons. I don't have any other explanation. I really don't.

-Joss Whedon

Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst a cause, but, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.

-William Shakespeare

Anathema ... disapproved of liquor in general but approved of it in her specific case.

-Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman

Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrow which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.

-J. B. Priestley

The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.

-Lyman Bryson

To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."

-Roger Zelazny

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking.

-Tim McMahon

If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure.

-J. Danforth Quayle

TED: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We're coming in from the north, below their radar.

ELAINE: When will you be back?

TED: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

-David Zucker (Airplane)

The difference between news and gossip lies in whether you raise your voice or lower it.

-Franklin P. Jones

Every time I try to define a perfectly stable person, I am appalled by the dullness of that person.

-J.D. Griffin

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

-Dave Barry

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, nobody wants to live any other way.

-Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners

All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

-Anonymous

I hadn't smoked in ten or twelve years, but I wished then I'd had a cigarette that I could have taken a final drag on and flipped still burning into the river as I turned and walked away. Not smoking gains in the area of lung cancer, but it loses badly in the realm of dramatic gestures.

-Robert Parker

He makes no friend who never made a foe.

-Alfred, Lord Tennyson

But you do the job that's in front of you, or people die.

-Terry Pratchett

Before you set out for revenge, be sure to dig two graves.

-Chinese proverb

When a mystery is too overpowering, one dare not disobey.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupèry